Russia X Reader: Babies Can't Have Vodka!: Part 1

O.K. first reader insert ever! So let us aim the guns away from my head and cut me some slack, MKAY!

So, seeing as I am the almighty writer, we're doing this my way! Which means the reader is Goth and awesome. PROBLEM WITH THAT!? Then I suggest you go cry in a conveniently placed corner and contemplate just where your life went so wrong that you need to express sorrow while facing a corner.

So without further ado let us read this sad excuse for literature!
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      Here you are, on a Friday night all alone in your room reading manga and listening to some sweet, sweet jams. While other girls would be out on a date or hanging with friends, you were here, in your sweet solitude…admiring your wicked layout. It's kinda like Victorian vampire meets a bloody massacre of spiders and corpses. Anyone who has been in your room has been scared to the point of weeing on themselves (true story…don't ask). You couldn't possibly see why! This stuff is pretty shwancky to you, and it just feels homey.
      
      Turning your gaze out the window you notice that the sun has indeed set. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! Yep it is now time to turn off all the lights in the house and read creepypaste (I wouldn't recommend doing this if you scare easily). So you ran downstairs with your laptop in hand and switched off all the lights. You left the curtains open so moonlight could drift in. To you, that made it even creepier. It felt like something was watching you from the outside. Smiling like a cheshire at this point you opened up your laptop and began to read. About forty-five minutes pass and you can defiantly feel the chills rolling down your spine.
      
      Now must people would not purposely subject themselves to fear and paranoia. You however, are not most people. The feeling of being freaked out was fun! It gave you this tingling feeling that you couldn't really explain… Truly life is no fun without a good scare every now and again.
      
      Feeling pretty paranoid at this point you pull out your bat phone (you're a Goth, get over it), and proceed to call your best friend Ivan. Looking at your phone, you can feel The Rakes eyes watching you, and you hear a creak in the kitchen. You just know that Slenderman was all up in your leftover Chinese, and this wasn't just any Chinese food, no. This was your favorite, (Insert fav Chinese food here, and if you don't like Chinese…Well then allow me to point you to the corner.), and it was choice Chinese food. Shaking the thought from your head you turn back to your phone and dial Ivan's number.

      "Come on Ivan! Slendy's gonna be hungry again in about an hour…" you say biting your nail. After a couple agonizing seconds of giving the bushes outside your house a death glare, as a personal "you better stay the fudge away from me" to any creepies in there, Ivan picks up.

[Ivan]: "Privet, Braginski residence."

[Name]: "IVAN! I REALLY NEED YOU TO COME OVER, RIGHT NOW!"

[Ivan]: "calm down comrade, what is wrong?"

[Name]: "IF YOU DON'T GET OVER HERE NOW HE'S GONNA EAT ME!"

      You listened for Ivan's response… nothing. You thought that he hung up on you for being an idiot. You sighed and placed your phone back in your pocket. It's true that you could call another friend to come and comfort you, but you really didn't feel like being hit on by Gilbert, or having Alfred go on about how much of a hero he is for saving you. Ivan on the other hand is very comforting, sweet, and warm… and you are… well, not any of those things.
  
      Maybe a minute passes before a loud banging sound breaks you from your thoughts. Well there goes any amount of courage you had left… Peeking at the door from behind the couch you swallow hard and take in a deep breathe. "Ok (name), who runs this dark parade? Who's the big bad queen of darkness? THAT'S RIGHT YOU ARE! You're not just gonna let some little monster make you lose your cool, are you? HELL NO YOU'RE NOT! Now open the door and show that monster who's boss!" Having given yourself a pretty awesome pep talk, you felt your courage restored. You bolted up and picked up your weapon of choice. A double edge medieval sword that had been hanging on the wall (how cool are you.). Now having all the courage in the world, you walk up to the front door and swing it open, raising the sword above your head. The figure in the door seemed to be mirroring you, and brought down its own weapon. There was a loud *ching* sound as the two objects met with a fierce force. Whoever was attacking you was ridiculously strong. Looking up to give your attacker the most aggressive death glare you could muster, you noticed a very large nose and a fluffy white scarf.

[Name]: "Ivan?" You say tilting your head. Now having a completely innocent look on your face.

[Ivan]: "(Name)?" Ivan, now lowering his pipe, looked at you shocked.

      You draw your weapon back and rub the back of your neck, laughing nervously. Well this isn't embarrassing at all. Feeling every ounce of blood in your body ruse to your face only makes you feel like an even bigger idiot. You were about to say something, but you were cut off by an inescapable death hug.

[Ivan]: "(Name), I was so afraid that something had happened to you. I was sure that you were being murdered by the way you sounded!" He says, as he's twirling you around and smiling from ear to ear.

      Placed back down to earth you felt your lungs become reacquainted with air. Ivan, still smiling, pats the top of your head. Ivan took a moment to take in the room.

[Ivan]: "There is a power outage?" He asks while looking around the dark room.

[Name] "No, I was just sitting in the dark reading scary stories, and…" you trailed off.

[Ivan] "You became scared, Da?" He asks while turning the light on.

[Name] "More paranoid than scared, but yes." You're looking down at your feet, blushing like mad. God you felt so stupid for having to call Ivan over, and then almost chopping him in two.

[Ivan] "And you called me over to comfort you?" Ivan says with a small smile on his face.

      If any blood had not made its way up to your head yet, it was defiantly there now. Though you would never admit it under any means of torture, you admired Ivan for quite some time now. He was strong, kind, compassionate, and he shared your love for scaring the crap out of people. Ivan was different, he was so cute and fun and interesting, and you had no idea why everyone was so terrified of him. Then again, they are still pretty sacred of you as well. But Ivan saw past your creepiness and Gothy ways, and learned who you are as a person. So needless to say, you two have become very good friends over the short time that you have been living here.

[Name] "Well I guess you could put it like that… yes… b- but I'm fine n-now so if you need to go, I will be fine."

[Ivan] "(Name) you need not put up a brave front for me; I can tell you are still afraid. I will stay until you calm down, Da~"

[Name] "D-Da"

      You shut and locked the door, and then proceed to sit next to Ivan, who had already made himself at home. Ivan looked down at you and smiled. Your heart was pounding so hard that your pretty sure Ivan could hear it.

[Name] "I- I should get us s- something to drink. Does hot chocolate s- sound good?"

[Ivan] "Da, that would be very nice"

      You bolt up and make a mad dash for the kitchen. You let out a small sigh as you leaned over the counter trying to get your heart to settle down. After a few moments of giving yourself another awesome pep talk you make your way to the stove to heat the milk. You then proceed to mix the chocolaty powder into the mugs and stir it. You walk back into the living room with two very odd looking mugs. One is in the shape of a skull, which was yours, and one that was black and covered with bloody hearts for Ivan. You handed him the mug and resumed you spot next to him. A few moments passed and you and Ivan didn't really say anything. You just sat and drank some FABULOUS hot chocolate. You hang out with Ivan all the time, but you still feel so shy around him. It didn't really make any sense to you. You hang out with a lot of guys, so why do you feel so timid around Ivan? (Well reader if you haven't figured out yet, you have never had feelings for anyone before *le gasp* this is a whole new feeling to you. And in the words of the almighty Corna, you just can't deal with that right now. But already I have said too much. Please read on.)

      Then something you had not expected broke the silence. A loud KA- BOOM came from outside and shortly after it began to pour down rain. This put you a little on edge. You looked up at Ivan who seemed unshaken.

[Ivan]: "Are you alright (Name)?"

[Name] "Yeah still a little shaken I guess…"

      You looked out the window and saw the rain pour down even harder. You let out a small sigh and looked back up to Ivan.

[Name]: "Ivan… It doesn't look like the weather is gonna let up any time soon. Perhaps you should stay the night here. I have a spare room in the back."

       Ivan looked at you a bit surprised by the offer. Ivan smiled childishly.

[Ivan]: "(Name) would not mind?" Ivan says while tilting his head.

[Name]: "Not at all Ivan, my home is your home." You say whole heartedly and with a soft smile.

      Then Ivan moved closer to you and put his arm around you. You, being completely taken away by this, just remained silent and smiled while looking down at your lap. Being the Gothy Goth that you are (See, now I'm just rubbing it in) you weren't really used to being touched. Not that you really hated it, but it felt weird. People usually avoid you like the plague, so you don't really "touch" people.

[Ivan]: "(Name) you are alright?" Ivan asked noticing how nervous you are.

[Name]: "I- I'm fine. I'm just not really used to people touching me…" Why did you say that? Dear god you felt like the biggest idiot ever. However, Ivan didn't remove his arm; instead he moved even closer and wrapped you in a hug.

[Ivan]: "Even if it's me touching you? We should fix that." Ivan said in the most innocent sounding voice ever.

      Well you're at a complete loss of words here. On one hand you don't really like being touched, but on the other hand…THIS WAS IVAN TOUCHING YOU! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MAKE THE UNIVERSE LOVE YOU! Somewhat melting into the hug you decide to return the embrace.
_____________________________________(Arthur's Home)__________________________________
     
      Miles away, it the basement of the English man's estate, was Arthur. Now you haven't really spoken to Arthur all that much, but when you did it was mostly about magic and the dark arts. In honesty you did enjoy the conversations, and you really enjoyed the fact that Arthur had some Goth in him too.
_____________________________________(Arthur's POV)____________________________________
      
      It appears to be raining… what a prefect atmosphere to cast spells. Making my way to the basement, where I keep all my magical tools, I noticed the pentagram charm that (Name) had given me. (Name) was so sweet and kind, and let's not mention that sexy look of hers. The fact that she believes in magic too makes her even more alluring and mysterious. Perhaps I should look in on her, just to see how she is doing.

      I continued to the basement and began to read from my spell book. The mystical symbol that is drawn on my floor began to glow and a vision appeared before me. I was appalled to see (Name) hugging that brutish Russian so tenderly. "(Name) BELONGS WITH ME!" I shouted into the darkness. I am not going to be bested by that wanker! (Name) deserves much better than that! She deserves a guy who shares her interests. A guy like me! "I will not be bested by some bloody fool." I whispered as I flipped through the pages of my spell book. "(Name) will be mine; all I have to do is eliminate the competition." I found the perfect spell to cast and began to chant into the darkness.

      Having finished the incantation I closed my spell book and headed upstairs to make some tea. "Tonight is going to be very… interesting." I couldn't help but say with a smirk on my face.
_____________________________________(Back to you)____________________________________

      Becoming pretty relaxed at this point, you shut your eyes and smile against Ivan's chest. He was so soft and warm, that you couldn't help but drift off a bit. Ivan smiled down at you and rested his head on your shoulder. You both stayed like this for a few moments, but then Ivan suddenly tensed up. Believing that you had done something wrong, you pulled yourself away from him only to see a green fog incase Ivan. You panicked and reached into the fog to save Ivan. You felt something and quickly pulled it out of the green haze. You looked down at what you were holding and gasped in shock. It was Ivan… but he…was a baby… How? You thought. When suddenly you hear familiar laughter come out of nowhere. Well tonight just became very… interesting…





(DUN DUN DAAAAAAaaaaa)